i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
