It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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