Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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