ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
