Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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