Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
