I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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