Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
