So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
