I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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