is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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