Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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