Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
