all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
