We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
