Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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