The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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