Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize