I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My cat gives me a boner
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
