We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
