First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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