girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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