It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
True strength comes from lack of pants
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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