I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
