why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize