I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
