I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize