Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
