There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
