apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
