i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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