Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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