Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
