My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
