Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
