I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
