yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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