I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
