the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you had me at cake vodka
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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