My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the condom got lost in my hair
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
