How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found your dick twin last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
