6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
