Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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