Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We're too hungover to prance.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
