Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
