i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
