I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
