I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
