moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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