I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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