i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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