Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
