I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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