I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
