thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
