So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
