This is not my ceiling
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
