It's Friday. Sex?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
