After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
