So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
