No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
