it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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