My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
