How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
